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Why do some people have types (Attraction psychology)


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Sorry you are not my type!

One question that always puzzles people who get rejected is: “What is wrong with me?”

After a rejection most people will try to find out what’s wrong with them just to calm their confused minds.

The good news i have for you is that there might not be anything wrong with you, its just that some people have certain types.

Some girls only like black people, some men only prefer slim women, some people only prefer round faces…etc. (see also Where do beauty standards come from)

But the important question we need to answer is, why do some people have certain types? and Why can’t a person fall for you even if you were really good just because you are not his type?

To answer that question we need to go back to the childhood of that person who rejected you.

why do some people have types

When Sarah was so young her mentally unstable dad used to beat her mom in front of her everyday. Each night marry used to cry in her room waiting for a savior. During that time a popular TV series was tackling the topic of abusive dads and as a result Sarah Got so interested in it.

Each day she used to watch that series and she never missed an episode. In the series a good black man acted as a protector to the woman and child who were abused by their dad. That man always appeared in the right time and saved the woman and her child from their cruel dad.

Sarah started getting attached to this black man because he was the one who helped her satisfy her most important psychological need at that time, which is the need to be saved.

Sarah grew up , forgot about her childhood and the series but at the back of her mind everything was functioning the same way it was coded long ago. (see also How does the subconscious mind work)

Since then Sarah never understood why she always got attracted to black men and why she felt afraid whenever she thought about being in a relationship with a white man (just like her father)

The people we meet in our childhood determine the types we will prefer

In my book The psychology of physical attraction i said that the people we come across during our childhood determine to a great extent the type of people we will fall in love with in the future.

That’s one big reason why some people have types even though they aren’t sure why do they have such preferences.

Now the 1 million dollar question is, can someone like you even if you were not his type?

Yes that’s quite possible and you can do that by satisfying the same need that person was trying to satisfy when he was looking for a certain type. (see also How your experience database affects your perception of attractiveness)

In the case of Sarah she was looking for the kind and emotionally stable man. She believed that this man must be black just because she met a kind black man long ago. If it happened that you managed to show Sarah that you posses those same traits she is looking for then she will fall for you.

In other words people don’t look for types just because they care about physical looks but they look for them because they also help them satisfy more important psychological needs.

People who don’t understand how others perceive physical attraction usually develop the imagined ugliness disorder.

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