When you say such a phrase you might be thinking that another person is the one to blame or you might be thinking that you are innocent and that his unacceptable behavior was the reason you lost your temper temper. After all, If he had been nicer you wouldn’t have lost your temper, Right?
If this was your idea about anger then it’s the time to know the truth that you may have not been aware of for a long time.
Anger is an emotion that our minds use in order to help us preserve our rights and order to make sure that we are acting in a way that protects our well being. If someone took your turn in a queue you might become angry because your right of being served first was violated.
However, our minds doesn’t always make us feel angry because of these reasons but there are other reasons that could confuse our minds thus make us become angry even though they should have never affected our emotions.
Sometimes people become angry because someone unintentionally reminded them of an old wound that they haven’t cured.
If you lost your temper because someone told you that he doesn’t like the way you dress then preserving your rights wasn’t the reason for your anger but its remembering your old wound (for example, not being satisfied with your self image) that made you become angry. If a person was 100% happy with his looks and his self image then such a comment would have never bothered him.
The problem that prevents this wound from healing is that the person never realizes that his wound was the reason for his anger but instead he blames the other person thinking that he is the one who should have behaved in a different way.
That’s why some of us react madly to certain comments while others don’t even notice such comments. In most of the times you become angry you will find that the underlying reason is an emotional wound that you were reminded of.
As long as this wound is there you will become angry whenever someone reminds you of it. People who always shout and who always became angry so fast have more than one wound that needs to be dealt with. Unless those people deal with their wounds they will lose their temper for the slightest reason.
Anger wont only affect your health and your relationships with your friends but it can also lead to breakups. In my book The ultimate guide to maintaining a healthy relationship I described how can suppressed emotions that result from anger pile up until they cause relationship dissatisfaction.
Anger will affect you first before it will affect those people around you and if anger’s role is to help you maintain your well being and to preserve your rights then don’t let some emotional wounds confuse the perfect system God gave you.
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